Archive for September, 2010

All Virgins Through This Must Pass

Posted: September 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

My first blog post ever. Being the expertly private over-sharer that I am I want nothing more than to launch into every detail of my incessant inner world, but I have pinky promised myself a hearty dose of restraint. I can’t blow my load in the first ten minutes now can I?

The first post should be calm, cool, collected. I should charm you into my thickly knotted world with only soothy tendrils [that’s right I said soothy]. I don’t want to shake or rattle too quickly, get greedy for your attention, or become the jealous blogger that I’ve always said I’d never dare be.

But this blog is a dare. A dare in waiting. Careful, I may dare you at times, to take on firsts, or some new awkward, to sit with discomforts or relish in a bit o’ sudden glory. I may ask gently if I can shove my version of the world in your face and accidentally forget to ask when I plant a first kiss.

My disclosures will not always incorporate consent, but I ask that you bare with me, I promise, I will always get naked first.

I hereby disclaim that by disclosing I am actually asking a lot. I am deft with my questions and questioning and I only expect your sharpest questions at their best—or worse in some cases, since sometimes the worst turns up suddenly as the best. Like how when I was a kid talking in my head to the, the, well, the universe, with my squeezed-shut-eyes, clutched-hope-hands to “please, please don’t let me be a lesbian, please” and how now I’m a bright eyed, happily fistful queer that has really only been saved by what my kid self feared most.

O shit, a bit of cheesy coming on. I can’t help but quote one of my poet heroes, Rainer Maria Rilke, “fear is a dragon guarding your deepest treasure.” Truth is the cheesiest quotes always stick the glueyist to me. Go figure. {Left shoulder shrug.}

Before closing my first ever blog post (though I’ve been compulsive self-disclosing for years now, this blog is about going pro) I have two promises to make:

—my posts are going to be as close to stream of consciousness as I can get em. I’m a writer by trade, by schooling, by curse so I can’t help but naturally edit a bit here and there as I go along, but these wouldn’t be compulsive if I thought too long and hard and cutted and pasted up the wazoo now would they?

—each post’ll contain a confession or memory of some sort, some truth from my current or past lives.

And a hope:

—that if I ask I shall receive. [just sayin]

Well, shit, the first time is often the worst time so heck only up from here.